Rain Rain~

For the first time in my life, I woke up crying. Fear, ashamed, useless, pitiful and pathetic...all these feelings were racing through my mind...I couldn't help but shiver. I Despise him.
I think it's interesting that I could dream of him hitting me in public & I cried in my dream and in reality, this is how pitiful I am.


I don't know what im waiting for, but I have this lingering feeling that some one is coming for me, some one is going to rescue me from this madness, some one who will paint a rainbow for me everytime I cry.
Heh~ I feel sorta like a mad person...hehehehe.


I missed Youth Camp this year. I feel like crying...I DO want to cry! but I've reached the point where I cant even cry. Im losing confidence every day, I don't know who I can go to...I miss Mon so much. I miss her so much x_x There isn't a day I don't think of her, I sometimes pick up the phone and start dialing her home no. or her cell...but no one ever picks up. I don't think Im still completely over the fact she's not here anymore, it all happened so fast. I had no time to feel sorry for myself, all I could do was cry for her and wish for her safety and happiness. I remember the last time I saw her was at the Airport, i couldn't properly say "Bye" to her, there were so many people around and it was embaressing enough that I was crying...but...the main point is that I wasn't only crying because she was leaving me behind, I was crying because she was finally growing up && we're going to be living in 2 different worlds from that point on.


I'm so glad she's doing well over there. Everyone will definetely come to love her, all it takes is time...she just doesn't know it yet.
I just hope she wont change too much. Im actually quite jealous of her. She reminds me so much of a bird, she flys so high...all I can do is watch her.


Listening to music rite now, so Im just writing how I feel all at the same time....sorry, the organisation sucks alot, cause Im not thinking straight at the moment. Yup.


Im stuck here waiting for the Sun to stop this downpour.